you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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