got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Panties = found
Randomize
