For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
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He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Boobs are out for the taking
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I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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