i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
