I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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