so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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