the condom got lost in my hair
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
