the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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