Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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