the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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