so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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