i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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