Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?