i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS