I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
