Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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