Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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