Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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