Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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