Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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