What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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