We won't sleep together?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
