does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
