just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
nutella sex= disaster
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
