she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
