Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
