Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
