I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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