I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
