College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
