help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
