So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
