I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
