So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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