tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
