I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
