a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
and she was petting her beer can
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
