your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
