Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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