you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
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If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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