I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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