I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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