i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
