I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
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Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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