As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
