afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
