I just cut my nipple shaving
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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