Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is Oprah even human
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