So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And then my night got REAL pukey
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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