i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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