no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
