I seem to have left my pride at pride
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize