My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
