haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
