first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
