I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the condom got lost in my hair
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
