I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
