Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
