I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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